Hi there folks,

If you are reading this you are still with me and I am thankful for that. I haven’t posted in a while and it has been a struggle these last couple of years to keep the blog running. However, Never say Never and I will get there soon. 🙂

It’s lockdown time here in India and more so in Mumbai & Pune. Similarly, world over it’s lockdown in some form or the other. There is insecurity and fear. There is gratitude and hope. There is giving and taking. There is being confined and sharing.

I wanted to share some thoughts with you. May be you too have felt something similar.

For almost four years we had lived in Hong Kong. We returned last May. Ever since then we are trying our best to settle into a very different lifestyle from the one we have experienced in our Mumbai or Hong Kong homes. As a result, We have many friends and acquaintances in Hong Kong with whom we are in regular touch.

When the lock-down was announced in India by our government, we had already heard stories from our friends in Hong Kong, kept abreast of the news from the world over and read up on everything related to Corona virus. We had our theories on what this virus could do and couldn’t do and how it will affect our daily lives. When the lock-down started, we had a very positive outlook towards it. Armed with our minds ready to tackle daily cleaning tasks to trying out new recipes, a list of recipes typed into my phone. And truly, we managed and managed very well without maids and cooks and anyone entering our home or we leaving ours except for the fortnightly stock up.

As these tasks became regular and daily there was a sense of peace which was engulfing us. For the first time in so many years there was no schedule. It was like the Sunday we had in Hong Kong which meant no maids and no timelines. We could sleep as much as we wanted, work as much as we wanted, eat anything and do any tasks which suited us. Yes, the tasks were there. Cleaning, Cooking, Kid related studies and activities but, we allowed ourselves to focus only on these and simplify them. Eating Poha for a meal was ok. We haven’t done the homework yet, it’s ok to stay up till midnight and finish it. It’s ok to wake up late because we haven’t had a good night’s sleep due to the heat, due to the thoughts in our heads or simply because we were enjoying a good movie or a good audio till late night.

Now, as days passed however, last week, I felt what I called the “Eeyore” experience. Suddenly, no sunshine was reaching me. My cooking experiments went wrong even after so much hard work, my cleaning schedules went for a toss and the dust or dirt or pending tasks I saw made me gloomier, as if I was not enough. As if I could not do it any longer. What was I doing for myself? Nothing! Just doing cooking, cleaning, and fighting with my daughter and the day was gone? What about my music, what about my doodling which I was learning diligently for so many days, what about my stories & my reading, what about my exercises and my meditation, what about my blog which I wanted to restart! Everything had gone for a toss these few days. Everything was wrong!

These gloomy thoughts continued in my head for almost a week and I withdrew into my shell. I did not want to pass on the gloominess and I did not want to discuss any positive aspects. It was not that I was not grateful for the safety and for the fact that my family was with me or we were living comfortably inside our own home or that we were healthy. I understood all that in my brain but it was just not reaching my spirit. My spirit seemed hurt, lost and a little broken. The food pictures, the activity pictures, the achievements everyone was positing on social media made me feel as if I was unable to achieve anything!

After moping about a bit and feeling like a useless piece in this universe, I literally crawled out from this gloom cloud. So determined. First I admitted the things to myself and then to the world. I wrote to my close friend’s group, “I made a mess of a simple dish. How do I improve it?” I wrote to another close friend, “I am in a gloom cloud, talk to you in 2 days from now.” When I shared with an old friend and colleague about how I felt like a loser he said, “You are an inspiration to all of us.” Was I? Ever? It was time to pick myself up.

I set a basic schedule. If tasks did not happen in this time frame for this day, just forget them and no need to feel bad about it, postpone them to the next day. I made the same dishes which were spoiled after taking advice from close friends on how to improve what I had done wrong and when the dish turned out right, it was a small success. Successes don’t always need to be big goals or targets, small successes can give you equal joy and a will to proceed. I started doodling again after a young friend advised me to do at least one in 2-3 days, I started exercising and my deep breathing after being inspired by another friend who posted a video. I started taking inspiration from people just like me who were fighting their own pains and gloom clouds and trying to make the best out of this situation we all find ourselves in.

I got out of the Eeyore experience but, I felt like sharing this because many of us may be feeling this way. Useless if we do the slightest mistakes, gloomy and unable to see anything positive in the current scenario, thoughts of the future causing you anxiety and worry, angry and bitter on other people but to all of you I want to say, “THIS WILL PASS.” It’s a phase. We are no superwomen (or Men) even though managing everything smoothly makes us feel so sometimes. 🙂 We are normal human beings and we have a right to our gloom clouds too but, don’t stay there too long for there is SUNSHINE waiting for you. And there is always Sunshine. You just have to pull yourself up and keep tugging higher.

If you have anything to share with me, please do. Always happy to hear from you.

Love and best wishes always,

Poornima

 

P.C.: Eeyore and You are enough: Google images.