Dear Parents,

It was in the news recently. This word ABUSE!

Associated with BOYS and GIRLS. (Yes! This is true.)

Associated with news from different parts of India. More closer to home than not.

Associated with institutions meant to protect and nurture our children.

I would request you to read through this big post and not only read, but, comment.

Leave your suggestions, your sparks, your answers, your anger, your feedback, your change.

Communicate with me.

I really need to hear how you are feeling. It will help me and ..…You.

Below are few actions WE can take.

1) Write a letter to the school.

Write a letter to the school. Let them know of your fears and let them know you are aware of the things happening in and around you. Imagine, if all the parents write a letter to the school, it would bring forth some positive action. Just a simple letter.

2) Form a parents group.

Most of us already have a whatsapp or facebook group of mothers. Use these social contacts for the right messages. Discuss any issues, important matters concerning our children, our school or our homes.

3) Be Vigilant.

Be vigilant in small but, important matters. So, if you are a mother who collects your child from the bus stop and you notice that the bus does not have a female attendant, call the school and simply report it with the bus number. Do not accuse or explain. Just say, you have called to report this. Let other parents know that you have done this, so that more and more parents will follow this. This would make the school realize that parents are more vigilant and they need to improve.

Also if you notice any form of abuse, please report it to the concerned authorities immediately.

4) Know names.

It is important that the child should know the names of the people he is interacting with. So, the name of the teacher, the sports sir, the music teacher, the mavshi or maid or aaya, the bus driver and the lady bus attendant.

One, it helps the child connect with the people he is interacting with daily. Secondly, it ensures that if the need arises the child will be able to name and recognize any person related with the incident. This would in a way also prevent these negative minded people from acting wrongly because they know the child will know and recognize them easily.

5) Keep track of your communication.

We often make a statement but forget when we made it and what was the action related to it. When you have an issue, make a written statement. Keep track of all the communication to ensure that during any parent teacher meetings or any other group meetings, you are able to highlight the necessary actions or issues with dates and related information. This will again keep the school on their toes benefitting the school as well as us.

6) Make your child aware.

Make your child aware of good touch and bad touch. Start simply by pointing out things happening in daily life. It will take time for this concept to sink in. For eg. We generally tell our daughter not to undress in front of anyone. No one should touch her other than class teacher, mavshi and parents. This was just an example.

Read books related to this subject meant for their particular age group. Just google and you get so much information on recommended books and helping your child understand good touch and bad touch.

7) Keep a proactive approach with the school.

Be proactive in suggesting solutions instead of only problems to the school. Here are a few things which we could extend as suggestions:

• Form a parent teacher group and conduct a meeting once a month to discuss any issues. Involve the staffers in these meetings. There are many teachers, drivers, peons, mavshis who have worked for years in school with a dedication and sincerity that is soon becoming rare. If they are looked upon with suspicion, it will bring down their morale too. Instead include them in the discussions and make them a part of the solution. It will nurture a confidence and ensure cooperation when the decisions are taken jointly.
• CCTV cameras should be installed within the school premises.
• Background checks mandatory for those employed less than three years in the school in any capacity.
• Clear responsibilities to be set. Our child is the school’s responsibility inside school premises or in the school bus.
• Parents should know the names of all the concerned personal with whom the child interacts daily. They should also have the names & contact numbers of all the parents in their own class. This is to ensure that whenever the child discusses anything with the parent, she knows exactly whom he is talking about.
• Have an anonymous “FEEDBACK” box in school. There may be many parents who have points of concern or suggestions for improvement or feedback for the school. Some of them fear that if they communicate against the teacher or staffer, their child may not be treated well by them. An anonymous box would help the parents to communicate freely and help the school understand the various issues or changes which are the need of the hour. The contents of this box could be opened in front of the parent – teacher group during their meetings.
• Allow one parent to attend class once a week. It could even be a class in which his own child is not studying. This will instill confidence in the parents that their children are being taken care of well and are progressing ahead with the help of their teachers. It would also improve communication between the parents and the teachers.
• Teach teachers, students, parents and support staff about the importance of this safety issue and how to deal with it. Organize programs meant for this.

Support the school if they are taking any initiative to increase the safety measures or teaching our children about bad touch.

8) Speak and listen to your child.

Make it a habit to speak to your child every day. Ask him or her what happened in school and let them freely talk about their day. It’s great for bonding and you would come to know the names of the friends and all their fun in the school. At the same time be aware of any changes in your child. Keep an easy attitude but, an equally sharp eye for any detrimental changes.

Also, mention casually but daily that, any secrets MUST be shared with mommy or daddy.

9) Be sensitive yourself.

Stop being insensitive to the word ABUSE.

Don’t joke about it. Ever!

Don’t take it lightly.

Support parents taking an initiative to bring forth a change in any way you feel comfortable doing. Point is – Support them. Do not ridicule them.

10) Teach your child differently.

a) Your child should know the difference between right and wrong. It won’t happen in a day or even a week but, it will happen over time. Whenever you tell them stories or you discuss anything with them, simply ask, “do you think what he did was right?” Let the child ponder and answer. Explain if needed.

b) Teach them about empathy. Again, it will not happen in a day but start by giving small examples daily.

We know a boy who is gifted differently. Whenever we see him, we go out of the way to say hello or meet him and shake hands with him. I let my daughter be a part of this. She may not understand why but, she will, one day.

The cleaner who waves us goodbye everyday was not seen for few days. I enquired to know that he was unwell. I mentioned this quietly to my daughter, “Do you remember the cleaner who wishes you every day? Well, he hasn’t been well and so you don’t see him.”

c) Make them aware of their right to say NO. If they do not want a particular person to talk to them or touch them, tell them it’s ok. They have the right to be comfortable and forge their own relationships.

d) Give respect to those who deserve it and avoid those who don’t fit in with your values. Your child will follow.

These are my personal views.

You may have your own suggestions, view points and answers.

We may or may not be able to follow everything but, let’s start somewhere.

I hope that every small step we take, will make a safer world and a safer India for our children.

Warm regards,

Poornima