Hi all,

This post is about empathy but, it’s not an informative post. It is a post which touches upon certain questions and their answers.

How can we explain empathy to our kids? Is there a right age to teach our kid’s about empathy? Do we understand it correctly? Sympathy or empathy, Is there one better than the other?

I had a lot of questions in my mind. Reading about this story and trying to find out more on this subject, has enlightened me a little. Do read on to find out if it will help you too.

We all love stories so let us begin with one :

A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read “Puppies For Sale.” Signs like that have a way of attracting small children, and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner’s sign. “How much are you going to sell the puppies for?” he asked. The store owner replied, “Anywhere from $30 to …$50.” The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change. “I have $2.37,” he said. “Can I please look at them?” The store owner smiled and whistled and out the kennel came a Lady, who ran down the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur. One puppy was lagging considerably behind. Immediately the little boy signaled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, “What’s wrong with that little dog?” The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn’t have a hip socket. It would always limp. It would always be lame. The little boy became excited. “That is the little puppy I want to buy.” The store owner said, “No, you don’t want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I’ll just give him to you.” The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner’s eyes, pointing his finger, and said, “I don’t want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I ‘ll pay full price. In fact, I’ll give you $2.37 now and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for.” The store owner countered, “You really don’t want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies.” To this the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, “Well, I don’t run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands!”

Sympathy and empathy are separate terms with some very important distinctions.  Sympathy and empathy are both acts of feeling, but with sympathy you feel for the person; you’re sorry for them or pity them, but you don’t specifically understand what they’re feeling. Sometimes we’re left with little choice but to feel sympathetic because we really can’t understand the plight or predicament of someone else.  It takes imagination, work, or possibly a similar experience to get to empathy.

Empathy can best be described as feeling with the person.  Notice the distinction between for and with.  To an extent you are placing yourself in that person’s place, have a good sense of what they feel, and understand their feelings to a degree.  It may be impossible to be fully empathetic because each individual’s reactions, thoughts and feelings to tragedy are going to be unique.  Yet the idea of empathy implies a much more active process.  Instead of feeling sorry for, you’re sorry with and have clothed yourself in the mantle of someone else’s emotional reaction.

If you have read the story and the actual meaning of the words, what do you think? Do let us know your views or your experiences.

Have you noticed how some people have an uncanny way of making you feel so comfortable by their words and actions? And just when you are feeling down, maybe about the way you look or what you have achieved, someone says, “you look great?” or you get a message, “don’t worry. I was exactly where you were and I did ok. You are on the right track. Keep going.”

It may be sympathy or empathy but, it is simply a lovely feeling that someone, somewhere cares. Keep caring, this is the MOST important thing to remember.

to all you awesome people, have a lovely day ahead and watch this space for more such stories,

Poornima

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Tips on Helping Your Child Develop Empathy

Six habits of highly empathetic people

Image courtesy: Morguefile