Dear friend,

Are you planning to have a baby?

If yes, this post is for you and if you know someone who is planning for a baby, please share this with them.

If you are planning for a baby, be prepared for a life altering change.

I am not a doctor hence, the views I express here are my own and through my own experiences.

The reason why I started this blog was to share my ideas and experiences. I earnestly hope that these posts benefit someone, anyone.

Please find below a list of TEN points to consider if you are planning for a baby.

Sometimes just reading something helps your thoughts click in place. I hope this list does it for you.

1) Sound health

The entire cycle of getting pregnant, pregnancy, delivery and post delivery takes a toll on your health. If you have been neglecting your health for any reason, this is the time to start planning to get it on the right side of the health track.

Some of you may suffer from specific health problems like me. You may not be able to overcome them during your pregnancy but, being aware about them makes all the difference. Also understand how these may or may not affect your child in the future.

Exercise in some form.

2) Financial well-being

With rising inflation rearing a child is becoming more challenging. Basic education, support staff, healthcare are examples of necessary yet, expensive expenditures.

If you have yet some time in your hand, make the best of it to secure your finances. If you are working, start saving your money specifically for your child now. Tomorrow after becoming a parent,  you may have to face the possibility of a single income.

I never thought I would give up my job. I did and this decision was completely mine.

3) Mind control

OMG! This has been the toughest ride for me. I had almost no patience and a temper to match. I am learning everyday, every step of the way. I falter, I get defeated by the stress which sometimes only I am to blame for, I want to run away at times but, everyday I learn. New ways to handle the situations. Sometimes I do great. Sometimes I do real bad!! Bad, Bad Mommy!!

Only you can walk in your shoes and only you can love your child the way you do.

It is very important to stabilize your mind.

If you have any doubts, fears, negative thoughts on pregnancy or planning or parenting, this is the time to talk. Talk to people close to you, talk to those who have gone through the experiences you are having your doubts about.

Get all your negative energies out-of-the-way. Find out ways to increase your patience like meditation or some activity which will help you relax. You may love to sing or read or dance. Try doing that. This will go a long way to help you with your erratic energies when your child is around.

You will find a LOT of positive energy starts surrounding your decision to plan for a baby.

4) Support system

A child is very demanding. Before my baby came along, my husband and me would leave the house early for our work and return late in the evening. All our wants and needs were very limited. There was a lot of freedom of movement, freedom of decision and freedom of action.

All this gets curtailed once you have a young child to take care of. Like I said before, everything in life changes sooner or later. This is especially true for the mother.

It is very important to put a support system in place. If possible, think of one before you have a baby and not after you have a baby.  It could be an additional maid, a reputed recommended day care, a nanny, a relative who could offer you that support or help during the initial phases.

It is a good time to understand which people will support you through this too. Never be shy enough to ask for help. It may be given or it may not be given but ask! That is the right of every parent.

Having said that, there are always solutions. You just need to prepare yourself for the options you hadn’t considered before.

5) Age

Some may say age is in the mind but, it is not so. At thirty-seven when I have a three-year old daughter to take care of, ONLY I know what I go through everyday.

Now, I see mothers who are equal in my age and yet full of energy and vigor.

I also see other moms who are much younger to me (sometimes ten years younger!) having the same age group children. So, there is no right or wrong age to have children.

Age is a criteria for YOU as a couple to evaluate. When will you have a baby, when your child will reach 18 years of age (that’s when some of the major decisions in his or her life may need your support financially and emotionally.). Go further. When will you retire? What age will your child be then?

6) A good doctor

Start looking for a reputed and recommended gynaecologist. The most important criteria has to be your comfort level with the doctor and your absolute faith in his treatment.

We were new to our area of residence and didn’t know many doctors. As a result we lost time trying out different doctors. Finally, when we settled on our gynaecologist, I travelled all the way from western Mumbai suburbs to Grant road. It was an hour and half to travel one way. I had absolute faith in his capabilities and his diagnosis. This, after changing a few doctors.

A good rapport with your doctor is a must. Also, always evaluate that your doctor is someone who advises logically and is a thorough medical professional.

Remember to clear all your doubts and fears related to ALL subjects with your doctor. There will be many people who will advise you on different subjects. Always discuss these with your doctor before taking action.

One most important point I would like to mention is, it is best to undergo complete medical tests by both partners. Generally, a couple decides on having a baby, then spends a year or two trying to have a baby only to get dejected and frustrated when it does not happen. After this they start going to a gynaecologist and get their tests done. The entire period of doing the tests or trials takes another six months. Effectively you have lost two and a half years from your life before you really begin to understand any existing problem. Instead, be free, get the tests done during the initial period itself so that you are clear in your mind about any or no complications in your path.

7) Reading

Start reading. Read through all the vast material which is available free on the internet or on parenting websites (I used to read Babycenter.) or go through books readily available in the market.

There are books which advise on planning and then pregnancy. For example, the book Garbhasanskar in Pregnancy by Doctor Vikram and Geetanjali Shah.

There are simple tools available like the ovulation calculator. Read on every topic you can because later on you will hardly find the time to read in detail.

8) Common sense

In any stage of life, you will get advised. Just like I am doing now!!

No, seriously, if they know you are planning a baby, chances are people will advise you on what you should eat to increase your chances of conception? how you can have a fair baby? what you can do to produce a son? and all and any related subject.

Use your logic. Use your common sense. Find your own answers by reading or talking to your doctor or to close but experienced confidante.

9) Positive energy

You can bring in positive energy in your life by doing things which make you happy. Listen to music, go for a movie or a dinner with your partner, relax in a spa, change the decor. Anything.

Try to do your usual work, complete your daily responsibilities but add that bounce to your days. Add that smile to your face. Be happy, be healthy.

10) Relationships

When you plan a baby, your relationships with other people will play a key role. Your relatives, Your parents, your in-laws, friends, your spouse and even your maid. Even if you have a good relationship with your spouse, having a child would be challenging for a relationship. Strengthen your bonds in any way possible.

Every relationship, every mother, every child, every father, every grandparent and thus every situation is unique.

We cannot always plan what is going to happen and when it is going to happen but, we can be aware and we can anticipate.

Just like when we sit in a roller coaster, we know that soon a point will come when they will let go and we will zoom ahead for a thrilling experience.

Keep that spurt of energy in you as you plan a baby. For some it might be smooth sailing, for some it might be a patient wait, for some it might be one of the worst experiences as you go through series of treatments which are depleting your mind and body. For each one it is a different journey.

Know that YOU ARE WORTH IT. And your lifelong love is awaited.

I wish you all the best.

Do let me know if you are planning a baby so that I can send a positive energy wave your way.

Lots of love & hugs,

Poornima

PS: Image courtesy: Morguefile